MBTI: For all INFP's
Boy are we going to have fun with this one. I can already think of about 7 pages worth of things that I would love to share with all my fellow INFP’s out there in the world. But for the sake of not losing your attention I will try and keep this thorough yet full of what I believe to be valuable insights. Let us peer into the world of the mysterious and misunderstood INFP.
How are INFP’s Wired?
Introverted Feeler (Fi) = “Authenticity” = Dominant Function/Daddy Driver
Extroverted Intuition (Ne) = “Exploration” = Secondary Function/Mommy Co-pilot
Introverted Sensor (Si) = “Remembrance” = Tertiary Function/Teenage Boy
Extroverted Thinker (Te) = “Effectiveness” = Inferior Function/Baby Girl
So what does this tell us about INFP’s?
INFP’s primary and dominant function is their internal sense of feeling or what we call “authenticity”. This is the air that they live in and breathe. Why is this important to understand? True INFP’s are constantly living from an internal space where they are ultimately asking the question “what feels right” or “what feels real”. Often times because of this, INFP’s will be somewhat “introverted” or even “standoffish” when meeting people for the first time. Why? Because they are ultimately asking if this situation/person is “safe”.
As deep feelers, INFP’s co-pilot function is “Exploration” or extroverted intuition. You see our co-pilot works in tandem with our driver in order to help navigate and express. Often times INFP’s will be highly represented in the world of creativity and/or artistic expression. The reason being is because they are feeling many things on the inside of them and their co-pilot function is looking for a way to express it creatively. The function of “exploration” is also significant in that INFP’s are very out of the box thinkers. They don’t like borders or boundaries and are typically the ones who want to push the limits.
The INFP teenage function is what we call “remembrance”. This function has to do with internally organizing detail and/or remembering detail. As this is a teenage function for the INFP, it is not all together foreign however with the right amount of development can become a very powerful tool for the INFP. Often times when INFP’s want to experience nostalgia or go down “memory lane” it can unlock a deep sense of gratitude and even clarity for them. In coaching, developing this function is actually one of the greatest hacks for breakthrough and growth.
Finally the INFP’s baby function is what we call Extraverted Thinking or “effectiveness”. Often times you will notice that INFP’s will mainly make decisions based upon their feeling. This can be both a gift and curse in that sometimes we actually get trapped in our “feelings” and we lose sight of what may actually be just the most “effective” thing to do. For INFP’s matter-of-fact thinking that is divorced from a sense of feeling is very difficult. There is so much to say about this area and it is my goal in this blog to really share some of the biggest “aha” and “development” realizations that I’ve had as an INFP.
So what would I want to say to INFP’s? (Literally can think of countless things but gonna go after the main nuggets).
1. You are a UNIQUE GIFT TO THE WORLD (yes sounds narcissistic but oh well LOL). You're gift to the world is actually the deep sense of feeling that you carry. Bar-none, many if not most of the population will rarely understand the depth of feeling and emotion that you carry. Love/Hate to tell you this, but thats just mainly the way its going to be. You will mostly feel like people dont fully understand you or that people will never feel what you feel. And the reality is, they won't. But that is not saying that you will have to feel alone. People will actually be the greatest growth hack and breakthrough for your life.
Coaching Tip: Surround yourself with people that can regularly speak into your life. The reality is, most of the times, you will be the “first” to feel many things, however never mistake that with “final authority”. This can lead you down a path of either pride and/or delusion. This is why you need trusted people who can speak into you, regularly. Often times the INFP’s idealism can be crippling when not satisfied. It will be the voice of others who help keep you grounded and rooted but also encourage the gift that you are. What you “feel” is a gift but it needs to be coupled with the “wisdom” of others and experience.
2. YOUR HEART can UNLOCK OTHERS. You know that your in the presence of an INFP by several things. One, you will sense a genuineness about them that is actually really real. They hate to be fake. Secondly, you will notice that they want to be that for you. INFP’s are considered one of the highest types in active listening. When they are listening to you, they are literally not thinking about anything else. They are just listening. Because of this, INFP’s are highly represented in therapy professions. My point here is this, one of the gifts of the INFP is the ability for their heart to be able to resonate with yours. In actuality this is the high watermark for the INFP. Because of this however, they are prone to get emotionally hurt. If you're an INFP you know what i’m saying is true. You desire for authentic relationship is so high that you find yourself feeling exposed at times. Here are my thoughts for you.
Coaching Tip: As the proverb says “to guard your heart with all diligence.” I want to re-phrase it for a second. “Fight for the health of your heart with everything you have”. I’ve been in seasons of utter bitterness and mistrust. It wasn't good. I felt like I was being “safe” but on the inside I was “dying”. Whether we like it or not we cannot not live from a place of authenticity. Don’t ever lose it. Don't ever settle for saying the right things to protect yourself when you know there is something deeper there. You will feel the strain of holding back and wanting to self-protect more than most. Why? because you’re guarding the part of you that means the most. This gift is not for everyone, but to those that you know are in your life for a reason, let them in. The art of vulnerability is your greatest gift to this world. Steward it well.
3. You’re GREATEST GIFT can become YOUR GREATEST CURSE, but if you can learn how to REFINE IT, you will see your true GIFT UNLEASHED. For INFP’s they say that they have an uncanny ability to see potential dangers from long distance. Another way I’ve heard it put is that INFP’s can detect when a company/organization is compromising some of its core values. This is most likely because the INFP lives and breathes authenticity. Not only so, but also couples it with an intuitive sense to see a bigger picture. This is important to note because INFP’s on a team/church/organization will usually have the greatest insight with misalignments. However, time and time again (using my own life) their greatest struggle for the INFP and where they usually fail and fall is learning the art of execution and how to bring their gift to the table.
(PERSONAL RAW MOMENT) Early on in my life, I could recognize that I could see things that most people couldn't. I’m not saying that to sound arrogant or prideful, but simply that was a re-occuring theme in my life. My danger and pitfall was that I didn't know how to bring it to the table in way that it could be heard and received. Often times when I felt like my voice wasn't being heard, I was immediately flip into my “baby function” and would become highly critical and even dishonoring. This has been, by far, one of the greatest areas that God has had to refine me in my life. It has not been easy and i’m not even saying that I have arrived. I’m just keeping this moment 1000.
Coaching Tip: This is practical 101. Learn how to regularly take things that you are feeling and externally process them in way that you are making sense of what you're feeling. For me, I write ALOT. I am constantly writing things down in my notebook and even writing out emails 3 to 4 times before I send them (the secret’s out ok). The reason for doing this is that you are actually activating your tertiary function “remembrance”. As you're able to organize your thoughts, what ends up coming out is something really cohesive, coherent, and communicative.
4. Which is a wild segue for my next point. INFP’s CAN DEVELOP THEIR SENSE OF EFFECTIVENESS! There is hope for us I promise you! LOL. Often times in my earlier days I had a hard time working with pure thinkers. Why? Because deep down inside I though they were heartless and sent from Satan. LOL. (hyperbolic statement for laugh value). But really I did have a hard time. What I had to realize, (MBTI helped A TON), was that they were merely looking at the world from a different lens. A lens that, if I learned how to value, I could actually tap into for myself and develop this dormant part of me. And thats how it happened for me. God brought a friend, who was like the most thinking heavy person I had ever met in my life, and taught me how to honor and value him for EXACTLY who he was. What began to happen was that this little baby part of me started to grow. To the point that I actually started to think that I was a thinker! (haha only kidding that would never happen).
Coaching Tip: This is going to sound blunt but just know I’m talking to myself. You don’t have to feel like you're always “all over the place” there is not only hope but also even practical things you can do to develop this weaker part of you. Start with a schedule. Learn how to schedule your time in a way where you time becomes accounted for. This doesn't mean that you have to stick to it strictly, but it does give you a default. Secondly, learn how to organize your thoughts on paper. Create lists. This will actually help you to see what needs to be more prioritized and what doesn't. More to share on this in another post.
5. INFP’s, COMMUNITY will be your GREATEST ASSET. As mentioned before, INFP’s are some of the most deep feelers, creatives, out of the box thinkers, and passionate fighters for values. However because of this, there is a strong tendency for isolation. (Takes one to know it). We are not trying to actually isolate ourselves, but whats really happening is that we are secretly always wondering who we can trust. I want to say something really really bold and honest here. There are times and seasons where we have to get over ourselves. In the INFP subconscious is a strong desire to be “unique” or “different”. It doesn't come from a place to stand out above the rest, its actually a differentiation mechanism for the self. However in this place, it becomes very difficult to integrate especially in a way where you can become just a part of the group. In the weirdest of ways, you will actually discover that your desire for “uniqueness” will actually be found in the integration among others. Like a flute thats been playing solo its whole life, when integrated into a grand orchestra, that sound becomes accented with grandeur and majesty as it sings along with the rest of the sounds. This is what it means to shine.
Coaching Tip: Find a place where you can just connect and serve. Trust me when I say that your “gift” and your “brilliance” will always find a way to shine. But for the deepest parts of your own soul, find a place where you can call home. Serve others well and expect nothing in return. Let it be a joy for you to serve and honor others well. In this, you will find community, your sound, and your place. As the Proverbs say “Let another praise you and not your own mouth. A stranger and not your own lips” - Proverbs 27:2.
I hope you all enjoyed this post from yours truly. Writing this post was therapeutic for the soul. It felt like a look back on so much of what has happened in my life and the ability to breathe and thank God for not leaving me where I was. I hope this blesses you and someone today. Thanks for reading.
Andy