MBTI: For all ENFJ's
As stated in the previous blog post, these posts aren’t meant to be a “scientific analysis” of each type, but rather they are conglomerations of insights that have come through experiences befriending, working with, and coaching these types.
How are ENFJ’s Wired?
Very similar to the INFJ, the ENFJ shares all the same cognitive functions, however they operate in different order of maturity. On the surface this may seem like a minor detail, but what I’ve come to notice is that many times, just the slight difference between introversion and extraversion tends to have pretty pronounced disparaties. So what does the brain of an ENFJ function like?
Feeling (external) = “HARMONY” (Adult Maturity)
Intuition (Internal) = “PERSPECTIVE” (Adult Maturity / Co-Pilot)
Sensing (External) = “SENSATION” (Teenage Maturity)
Thinking (Internal) = “ACCURACY” (Baby Maturity)
So what does this tell us about the ENFJ?
ENFJ’s primary mode of operation, the way that they interact with the external world, is via the cognitive function we call Extraverted Feeling or “HARMONY”. You will know that you’re in the presence of an ENFJ as they are incredible at keeping a sense of harmony around all of their relationships. Often times in a party or group setting, you will see the ENFJ be able to make sure everyone is taken care of and/or everyone feels included. Similar to the ESFJ who shares this function, they make natural leaders and people feel safe around this type.
ENFJ’s take in their external world through their sense of feeling, however they process this world via their Internal Intuition or “PERSPECTIVE”. Similar to the INFJ who begins here, the ENFJ is processing their world through their ability to make sense of things. Often times ENFJ’s love to learn and can excel in academics especially if it is something that they are passionate about.
ENFJ’s teenage function is called “SENSATION”. This essentially has to do with taking in the world via their 5 senses. This teenage function is important to note because it is really the way that most ENFJ’s like to have fun. We call this their “playful function”. You’ll notice that a lot of ENFJ’s really feel like they are close with their friends when they can cut up and just have fun. Alot of the times the ENFJ is such a high responsibility type that, its not that they have a facade up, but its more that they let their true selves come out when they are in a state of rest and playfulness.
Finally, the “baby in the car’ is the function Internal Thinking or “ACCURACY”. This is important to note because its not that the ENFJ doesn’t have a strong thinking function. In actuality they have a very high thinking function. However their ability to think highly accurately and ask the question “what is actually true” can be a weaker function here especially as it pertains to themselves. I’ll get into this in just a second because I believe it to be the greatest “growth opportunity” for the ENFJ. Often times when an ENFJ is under EXTREME STRESS (which is rare as they are pretty high capacity) is that you will notice that they go inward and seem to get quite critical of themselves often times feeling like they can’t pinpoint what is “wrong” with them. Does this sound familiar ENFJ’s? Don’t worry we will get to some really practical coaching tips that I hope may help you.
So What would I want to say to ENFJ’s?
1. You are one of the highest types for RELATIONAL LEADERSHIP. More than I would say any other type, ENFJ’s have an uncanny ability to not only gather and draw people to themselves, but they have the ability to TAKE THEM SOMEWHERE. This is why its no surprise that this type is highly represented in leadership positions as well as activists activities. Many people believe that Martin Luther King Jr. was an ENFJ. Your ability to nurture relationships and move them towards something good is a gift to the world.
Coaching tip: Recognize who you are and what you bring to the table. Chances are you probably already do but take note of it and be confident that this is the way God made you.
2. ENFJ’s, like all the types, has what we call a “SHADOW FUNCTION”. What does this mean? It is simply the cognitive function that you are actually the LEAST AWARE OF. For ENFJ’s your shadow function is actually the exact opposite of what your dominant function is. So for you your Dominant Function is = Extraverted Feeling. Therefore your shadow function would be the INTERNAL FEELING or what we call “AUTHENTICITY”. Often times ENFJ’s will do an incredible job of reading and knowing what people are feeling in the room, but from my experience, they tend to have a very hard time identifying what feels authentic or real to them. Alot o f the times, ENFJ’s are so aware of what others are feeling but can struggle with wondering what they themselves are feeling. Am I speaking to any ENFJ’s today?
Coaching tip: First would be to be aware of this shadow function so you are cognizant of it. Allow yourself to travel that channel of feeling that seems to be less trodden. Ask yourself how am I feeling? What feels authentic to me? It may seem foreign at first, but I believe it can be developed and even grown. Write down your feelings and allow yourself to fully go there with no hindrances and no ounce of self protection. Being aware of these things and learning to express them well may actually be, in my opinion, the greatest growth hack for ENFJ’s.
3. The previous point would be my greatest advice for ENFJ’s. To maybe further elaborate, I’ll break this down a little bit more. Our shadow function is the part of us that we are least aware of. This is different from your “Baby Function” or your STRESS FUNCTION. Your baby function will appear in an unhealthy way under extreme amounts of stress. Often times this is why MBTI practitioners can almost always guess how you will deal with stress and how that manifests. However the reason why understanding the SHADOW FUNCTION is so important and key is because this is what is most overlooked and can be a SOURCE of the very stress and chaos that sends us down the whirlwind. Alot of the times, I would struggle working with many ENFJ’s because I would always feel as though there was this layer from getting to the heart of things. What I then realized was that it wasn’t the person that I was struggling with, but it was rather I was dealing with a completely unknown part of them called the shadow function. My second coaching tip in this area would be to learn how to write down you’re feelings. Search inside for the most authentic part of you and write down how you actually feel. This would also apply for ESFJ’s as well. Often times, we choose not venture there because we are too cognizant of how others feel or even how others may perceive us. However, alot of the times what happens is that we suppress our feelings to a place where it explodes in someway form or fashion and we have no idea why we seem to be hitting “red alert”.
Coaching tip: Find a counterpart that has AUTHENTICITY as a dominant function. Alot of the times, ISFP’s and INFP’s will have a clear and keen sense of what is authentic to them. Ask them questions, and discover how they think and what allows them to be in tune with their internal sense of feeling. You can learn from them by allowing them to help you explore your own feelings. As always the learning will always go both ways.
4. Another growth hack for the ENFJ can be to NOT TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY. Yes that is what I said. LOL. Often times ENFJ’s can struggle with a sense of SELF-PRESERVATION more-so than other types. But why? It is because of the high level of consciousness that they have of their external surroundings especially as it pertains to people. I have noticed that with every type, our gift can become our curse when left unchecked and without a strong sense of self-awareness. ENFJ’s intuitively know what’s going on relationally more than any other. In Korean we would call this “noon-chi”. However this can become a distraction and even worse break away a real sense of authentic relationship when the walls and self preservation go up. Often times ENFJ’s as well as ENTJ’s (not limited to these two at all) can have a higher propensity of not wanting to look like they don’t know. It can easily become SELF-PRESERVATION if left unchecked.
Coaching tip: Consider doing a 360-Asessment. What is a 360? Essentially it is taking 4-5 individuals who are the closest to you and whom you believe actually know you. Give them full permission to speak into your life and ask them what they feel are your STRENGTHS, WEAKNESSES, OPPURTUNITIES for growth and THREATS to your leadership and/or influence with people. I’ve adapted the 360 assessment using the SWOT analysis but just made it for individuals. I think its an incredible tool for growth and have seen really profound breakthroughs for those who walk this out.
5. ENFJ, I know it sounds like I’m pointing out alot of your shadow sides, but please understand that it is because to whom is given much, much is required. Again I dont want to generalize or pigeon-hole anyone, but my point here is that with your high level of relational intuition coupled with your sense of responsibility and capacity, this type tends to rise up in leadership wherever they go. They are influencers of people and have a natural knack for this stuff. You are a powerful gift to the world, and I would say very similarly like the INFJ, when an ENFJ can grow in self-awareness, discovery the God-Breakthroughs, and grow in this place of authenticity, they are also a powerful force to be reckoned with.
I’m hoping to share more of this in the upcoming year as, personally, I believe this intersection between spirituality and psychology is a really big deal. Thank you for taking the time to read and hope if brought value to your life today.
Andy